“What happens when we say yes when we really mean no or not now”?
Two weeks ago I was tested to the max of what it meant to say yes when I really wanted to say no. I mean I was going to go to this event, I was sort of looking forward to it, but then all these things got up in my head you know those “what if” scenarios that play out over and over again. I mean lets face it, we have been on lock down and now we are just starting to get back into the swing of things and I really thought I was ready, put on my best clothes, dabbed some Valor on my ankles *Valor is a Young Living Essential Oil that I use when I need a little strength and courage to see me through, stuck a couple of my favorite stones in my pockets (one to actually speak my truth, the other to protect my energy) and then placed my father’s gold cross around my neck. Let’s do this, I am ready. (Or so I thought)
Now suffice to say, I had started to get a minor head/eye ache about two hours before it was go-time-and I was like yea, that is gonna pass, it’s nothing, I am just gonna go for it anyway, and GO FOR IT I DID, however, the universe, my body and even my spirit had something totally different in mind. The vibration from the road actually caused even more pain and not even Advil could calm it down. I knew I was in trouble and with 30 more minutes to go, I had to make the painful choice of not being able to go to this event. I felt awful not only physically but emotionally too. I psyched myself up to do something that in essence I really was not ready for, but I did it anyway for FEAR of not looking bad, for making others happy and for just trying to do what I thought was the right thing.
That very painful and personal growth experience led me to re-writing a contract with myself to make sure that I never do something like that again.
Here is what I could have done instead. I could have Used the Be Real approach.
*Be Direct– If I would have just been clear on what I could or could not have done I would have saved us all from a headache
*Be Honest-Why is it so hard for us to be honest-if we can’t be honest with our self how do we expect others to be honest with us, and how in the world can we create healthy boundaries if we are not going to be honest with others. If I would have honestly communicated how I was feeling (sure there would have been disappointment but in time that passes and something else would have taken its place) .
*Be Compassionate-Here is where we tend to “trip ourselves up” whether we are on the receiving end or giving end of a conversation, compassion will get us very far, meaning putting yourself in the other persons shoes while also explaining your own perspective. Was I upset that I got myself all worked up to the point of an excruciating head ache and sinus pain that landed me on my back for almost two days, you betcha, -But who did that to themselves? It was me, And I had to face the music
*Be Real-What does it take to be REAL?-Doing the work, looking at what landed me in so much pain in the first place so I can make sure I don’t do that to myself ever again. Being real is where the real work happens because its more than just saying something its actually doing something about it.
What did I do for those two days well I addressed it head on Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually one, I found some really great alternative therapies to take to get me through the pain, while also making sure that I was taking care of me, self-care to its fullest, which also meant a lot of lying around, whether in bed, on the massage table doing self-healing or even outside in a lounge chair.
Emotionally I needed to address the guilt, the shame and the fear that not only was the catalyst for the pain in the first place but which was also tied into an early childhood contract that I had never addressed before. Once I was able to see the root cause of how this dynamic came about, I was able to do the necessary healing work around it to be set free.
And oh my gosh was I set free, Like I literally felt as if some guardian angel came down and cut every little chord, nook, string and tether I had associated with my third and fifth chakra. I even heard something along the lines of “YOU ARE SOVEREIGN YOU ARE FREE ONCE AGAIN” And it will be unlike anything you have ever experience because now you have the ability to direct your energy into anything you want and need without anyone or anything getting in your way.
And it was right then and there that I knew I could not GO BACK to the way things were before, I could not pick up the pieces of me that were lying on the floor. I knew that I had dissolved one contract that was deeply tied into learning the lessons of unhealthy boundaries and needed to wait for my marching orders to re-create a new one. And re-create a new one I did.
to your health, to your sanity and to your NEW WAY OF BEING, love, and GREAT BIG HUGS from a distance,
Renee
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